Not Games: Doom

Here's the problem with most video game movies; they're based on deriviative product. The "story" behind the Doom games is a hackeneyed mix of Aliens and H.P. Lovecraft. Nothing terribly original. What made Doom an amazing game was its ability to immerse and isolate the player, to take them someplace different and make them feel fear. What makes Doom a shitty movie is that it does none of those things. There's very little to set this picture apart from the miserable direct-to-video sci-fi pics you see on the new release wall at Blockbuster (besides the 45 days it will take to get there).

Andrzej Bartkowiak isn't the next Uwe Boll. But when video game level designers are better at lighting a scene than your cinematographer, a serious reconsideration of your career ought to be in order. The movie's much touted first-person action sequence feels more like a county fair dark ride than a frantic shoot-or-die scenario. The movies only highlight are the 15 seconds when chainsaw meets Pinky -- and you get that in the trailer.

Seriously. Stay home and play video games.